Friday, December 5, 2014

Within These Walls

I stand here longing, hour by hour and second by second to run with my herd.
My nerves twitch at every sound, the air here is stale and musty with urine,
My only accompaniment is a lonely flake of hay in the corner;
Awaiting my lips to search through it's tender stalks.
I eat. I chew... This isn't so bad I guess.
Not so bad for now.

Another sound, another foot print.
Was that another horse calling?
Are they here too?
I cannot see, I cannot feel another horse...
So I call back to them.
"Let me out please!"

An angry sound responds to me.
I think I am in danger.
I panic.
I paw.
I rear.
"Let me out please!"

A broom handle bashes against the bars of this cage I am trapped in.
"Back!" is screamed at me from the outside freedom.
I am surely in danger here.
Can no one see how trapped I am here?
With no one to protect me, no one for me to protect.
I am surely in danger here.
Another sound, hoof falls!
Another horse. A chance to be free.
A chance to be safe.
I call again.
"Let me out please!"

Another angry sound responds, huffs and puffs of human breaths around me.
They tell me I'm fine here, I'm safe here...
They keep telling me this is for my own good.
But I am confused. 
I think they are confused.
I am safe with another horse next to me,
I am safe with room to run. 
With space to put between me and any predator...
I cannot run in here...

Suddenly I am aware of how small this space really is.
Suddenly I cannot feel my feet, how long have I been standing here?
I pace.
I weave.
I circle.
Walking, walking...
Faster and faster...
I am getting no where.
I am no where.
"Let me out!"

Days have passed now.
I leave here only for brief moments to greet the sun in a grassy field alone,
or to work for them in a larger space with sand.
I want to please these humans, I keep trying to show them what I need.
But they keep pushing me back, they keep scolding me to be quiet.
To stop.
Just stop....
Why won't I ever stop, they scream at me.

I will do my best, I think.
I don't know how else to show you now.
How can you not see?
How can you not understand me?
And so I stand, I stand to keep them happy.
I stare down at my lonely hay flake...
Chewing and chewing again.
I guess I will never get out of this.
I will never feel another horse's lips upon my wither,
I will never kick my heels up and race as I once did as a young colt.
I am destined to stay in this place,
this place they say is my home.
This place is where I was meant to live, I am spoiled to live here.
I should be thankful....
But as I feel my eyes glaze over, and my dreams of a herd disperse;
I know in my heart that all I wanted will never be.
And so it is what it is....
And as I hang my head low in defeat, I hear "See, I told you you'd love it here."

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